The last post was about no longer having tears for him/her/them. When the storm of your marriage being destroyed pasts, and not to make light of the hurricanes that just hit the US and all of the islands, it felt like my life had been hit the same way. All I had worked for, made and loved just seemed to have been destroyed by a force out of my control. No matter what I did to prepare for it or “fix” for it I had no idea how hard I would be hit by it and how hard it would be to rebuild from it.
The thing is though, I did rebuild and I’m still am rebuilding from it all. You have to remember no matter how much you feel like your life has shatter around you – you can always rebuild. You have the choice to decide where your life goes now. It may not be the same plan you were building before, it maybe 180 from what you thought you would be, but it maybe a better than the one you originally had planned or could ever imagine. You have the choice to either dwell on the past and the destruction and focus as you being the victim or learn from, grown from and rebuild yourself and see you as your own savior. You have the power, you have the ability, you just have to also have the faith in yourself to know you can rebuild and grow from it. The main thing is you have to let go of what you have or thought you had to make way for what you really want.
The hardest part is trusting yourself and others that come in your life to help you rebuild. When you have something that breaks you and tears you apart that much you have self-doubt in your mind and in your soul, actions and abilities. One of my favorite personal development trainers is Brendon Burchard and one of his famous lines is “Have I lived? Have I loved? Have I mattered?” (this maybe my first quote from him but probably not be my last. I have done his High Performance Academy and training with his coaches and hope I am able to coach others soon based on his method – if you want to learn more contact me because it’s an amazing transformation). After the storm of a divorce, after a narcissistic relationship, these questions take on a whole new meaning. I thought I was living, I thought I was loving and I thought I did matter. But what I learned what I was living, loving and was trying to matter for him not for me. I turned my life into his, everything I did was based on what he wanted and what I thought would make him happy and us that amazing couple, that power couple to take on the world. But what I now know now is I was sacrificing myself for him. I believe in making an epic life together, (and I still plan on making my epic life for myself and with my boys and maybe with another love someday). I believed I was making each of us stronger and bigger and better than either of us could be on our own but I was living for him not me. (Since the divorce I have had many people tell me how different I became over the years of being married on how I was not the women I was and not in a good way and honestly I didn’t know it or at least didn’t want to admit how different I had become for him.) But you have to live for yourself first – not for them – and allow your partner to help you become better. If you don’t feel happy and your best on your own you never will with anyone. What I was doing was living for him to make him better which I thought would make us better. (It didn’t because he never felt like I was “good enough/big enough/important enough to make him what he wanted to be. He informed me by this by telling me he was tired of me riding his coattails with his friends and I couldn’t make it on my own, they were just my friends because of him.) But it didn’t make us better – what I needed to do was standup and make myself better first. This make seem like a very minuscule difference but let me tell you from first-hand experience it is worlds apart!!!
Step one after the tears and after the storm is to start believing in yourself again, start living for you again and no one else!! Stop letting them get into your head, stop letting them make you think that you are the problem, you are not good enough, that you are holding them back. Stop giving them the power and start making it yours! That needs to dissipate like the storm that seems like it will break you but in all honesty, allows you to rebuild. Remember the choice is yours, you can let the storm make you run, hide or destroy you or you can rebuild and create the life you desire. So, what will you choose? Me, I choose to rise again, I choose to rebuild and I choose to come back better and stronger than ever! It’s no easy, it’s not a quick process but I still choose it! I choose to take my life, my power, my happiness back!!! I choose to be EPIC and rebuild! It is all up to you – What will you choose?
Live, Laugh, Love Your Life!