Have your ever read “The Four Agreements” by Don Minguel Ruiz? If not I highly recommend you do. The Four Agreements are 1.Be Impeccable With Your Word 2. Don’t Take Anything Personally 3. Don’t Make Assumptions 4. Always Do Your Best. These sounds simple enough but it is amazing how many people do not live their life this way.
Be Impeccable With Your Word – I try to live this one daily not only for myself but to be an example for my children to do the day. I know a few people who would disagree that I live this way, they are the same people that don’t like the fact I am writing this blog. I have learned though I have to speak my voice and there is no more hiding those things people don’t want to hear in the closet because it makes them uncomfortable to face them and admit they happened. It made me physically and emotionally “ill” to try to hide and ignore them and pretend that everything was/is “perfect” because it wasn’t and it still isn’t. Is it easy to face those parts of your past that truly caused pain and turmoil for you and other people? NO, not at all but you know what is worse living life like it never happened – it did, it hurt, it sucked, it made me cry, it almost broke me but because of those painful times of lies, affairs, betrayal from the one you thought was your best friend and going through a divorce has also caused me to grow as a person and find my own voice again and stop living for someone else’s. When you lock them in the closet and do not face those events they don’t go away, they don’t get easier because they are still controlling you. When you let them out, face them, admit them and take accountability for them they no longer tie you down. They can still hurt, they can still make you cry at times but not for the same reasons they used to. Take back your voice and your word and start being able to be proud of all it stands for instead of living like it is perfect by not using your voice start to use that voice to make you and your future an impeccable one.
Don’t Take Anything Personally – is the hardest one for me to live out. I do take things personally, I do feel pain and sadness and betrayal from what happen in my marriage but you know what as much as I was told it was me – it was not. I made mistakes, I did things that caused the ex to be hurt or feel like I did not respect him, mainly in “retaliation” for him making me feel the same way but two wrong definitely do not make a right. I apologized for them and tried to make up for the mistakes I made. I owned my actions and corrected what I could but the rest is not mine to bare, the rest is on him. How do you not take it personally when you are cheated on and told you aren’t enough you aren’t the “10x” he needs? For a long time I did and I doubted myself and all I thought I was and did. After a time of beating myself up over and over on “what if I would have.. could have… should have..” and all that was happening I had an life changing moment – is wasn’t me. I didn’t make him do anything. He chose his words and actions, not me. So as much as he wanted to blame me, as much as I blamed myself it wasn’t all on me. Nothing he did or said was because of me – it was him projecting his issues on me. It took a long time for me to get this one but once I did I was finally out of the victim who felt punished and suffering from him and started to feel a freedom of sorts. I was free from what he thought of, did or said to me. It doesn’t mean his words and actions still didn’t hurt me at times but it meant that I no longer held onto them. I no longer let him define my thoughts and actions, my value of myself. I no longer let it hold me back or silence by voice. I started to live for me again and to be the type of person who in trying to rebuild myself also helped to rebuild anyone I could around me and get them out of their victim mindset. When we help pull someone up with our words an actions we also lift ourselves. We step out of the victim role and start to see the true beauty and power in ourselves and the world around us.
Don’t Make Assumptions – When you have been in a relationship with someone who is controlling and you are just trying to keep peace and you step back to let them take the lead you stop asking questions, you stop the clear channel of communication because they just want you to do what they say no questions asked. When this happens there are often times that what you really want you tuck away and you just assume the role they want you to take. I have never liked confrontation but when you stop asking questions because they get annoyed when you do and you stop the communication that you once had to be able to talk about anything because it’s just easier then getting him upset by questioning him you again start to lose yourself. And you may keep the peace with him but you cause more misunderstanding, contradictions and drama within yourself and your true voice. I have come to the point again where I ask what ever I need to know, what ever I need clarification on and what ever I feel will help prevent that misunderstandings that lead to pain and arguments later. I do not ask to be a pain in anyone’s ass, I ask to make sure we are all on the same page, that the drama can be eliminated or at least minimized as much as possible and so that later down the road I can avoid that “I didn’t know…” “if you only told me..” “if I only knew…” conversations. I am a work in progress on this one but I know if I can avoid the misunderstandings, miscommunications and the drama in relationships in all area of my life will strengthen and help lead to the amazing relationships that one day I will have with myself and with others.
Always Do Your Best – You think this one would be easy for all of us. We are only told this from when we are young kids through our entire life. I tell my kids “do your personal best” because your best maybe better or not as good as others but what matters is that it is YOUR BEST no one else’s. When we stop having to live life comparing ourselves, our lives, our jobs, ours house, our car, our everything else to others we will find a much greater peace. If we can stop beating ourselves up because we are not where we wanted to be in life and start seeing how far we have come, we have learned, we have grow, how much we have to be grateful for – the universe will start opening other doors for us to get to where we do want to be. We should, we must, do our best in every thing we do everyday and some days are best will not be as good as yesterday but than tomorrow is our best yet. Some days our best is to just make it out of bed and to work and other days our best is knocking that presentation our of the park or getting everything done on the must do list of the day. We will have our ups and we have our downs, the important part is to be the best you you can be at that moment. When we stop the self-doubt, self-abuse, self-hatred, the comparing to those around us with their “perfect lives” and start appreciating what our battle scars have taught us we will start to gain strength, energy, momentum and happiness. We must find our own happiness before we can find it in anyone or anything else. Realize you will have off days but use that as fuel to appreciate the days where you are just kicking ass and you will start to have more of those days instead of more days that just kicked your ass. Never give up on what you want in life, never let the doubt take over your dreams, live and create the life you want and be willing to work for it be willing to fight for it and appreciate all the ups and down of it!
It’s amazing how many life lessons you can learn form a book with 4 “simple” Agreements. If we could all live by them this world (and our lives) would be a much better place to live.
Live, Laugh, Love Life!
Jodi
From Diamonds - To Disaster - To DAZZLE! 