One of the hardest parts of divorce when it was not a two way decision is getting over the feeling that it was your fault that you should have or could have done more to save your marriage, to make it all perfect again and live happily ever after. One of many lessons I have learned going through all this is that it takes two people to get married and two people to stay married but only one to get divorced.
Marriage is not perfect, it’s not easy and it will be a roller coaster ride at times and takes two people who are committed in good times and in bad, in sickness and health. Which also means it takes a hell of a lot of work from both parties to keep the marriage going strong. The hard part when dealing with a narcissistic divorce is that it is never their fault, they did nothing wrong, it was all you and the thing is they make you feel like it is. They make you feel like you didn’t do enough, you were good enough, you didn’t support them enough, you didn’t meet their standards anymore. That is one of the hardest parts – is having the one you loved tell you that you are not “enough” anymore.
You’re first step in recovering from this, and yes it is a form of abuse – verbal and emotional abuse is abuse. I have faced it and over come it but is took a lot of work being real with myself, honest with my therapist and really owning what had happen to be able to get through it and move forward form it. That is the major goal, to honor your trials and face them and be able to see that you most likely made mistakes along the way in your marriage but does not mean you deserved to be treated that way. It does not mean you have to live feeling like it was all your fault, that you are the reason it did not work out. What you have be able to do is know in your heart what you did or didn’t do and accept it for what it is and make peace with it. Trust me! I relived the events of my marriage over and over and over again wondering what if I did this, if only this happen instead, if I could have … It was torture!!! Pure an utter torture!! It was painful and it caused many many tears, sleepless nights and stress to the point of breaking at times. It will never end unless you allow it to and want it to end. Unless you allow yourself to be in control of your thoughts,actions and emotions and stop letting someone else control them. Step one – stop letting other have the power over you and start taking your power back!!! This is a must! You and you alone are in charge of your thoughts, actions and emotions. Yes, other will cause may issues in your life but you alone are responsible on how you react to them. So start small if you need, but start – start to get your voice back, start to have your opinions again, start to stand up for yourself again, start to live your life again not a life for someone else, not the life they want you to fit into. Start to bring your inner
voice back to the surface. Find where you feel comfortable to start to get your spark back and not matter how small it is it can ignite your world again from it.
Live, Laugh, Love Your Life!
Jodi
From Diamonds - To Disaster - To DAZZLE! 